I wish I could teleport
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
