Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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