we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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