His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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