As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
