hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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