Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
