I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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