I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
