I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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