phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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