His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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