im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize