it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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