So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
