Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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