fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
A+ Viking dick
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
