i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize