we have officially lost it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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