This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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