I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize