Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
