You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
