I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
