he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm both gender and math confused
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