It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
