You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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