She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
