apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you win again, gameday.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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