I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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