I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
