I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
