Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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