bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
