did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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