The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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