this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
