by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
