someone threw a dead crab at me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
