No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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