My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
do herpes really smell.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
