got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You ate ashes out of my bong
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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