I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
