we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
