My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
