I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Randomize
