Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
