3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
