My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love having hate sex.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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