the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So much rum. So many feels.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize