just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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