you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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