my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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