When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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