"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
