we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
True strength comes from lack of pants
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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