dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
