I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
