last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize