I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
