She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
