I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
