I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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