Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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