Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
