Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
