its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Actions speak louder than pants.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
