My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
