Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
