So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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