I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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