well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize