its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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