I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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