Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
