why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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