I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
