Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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