Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
