Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
