what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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