just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
