U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
