I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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