the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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