Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
