She is in my trunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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