The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
