we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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