I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
