I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
