we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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