Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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