i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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