DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
