I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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