it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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