FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
