That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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